holy or inane

[holy or inane]

Conrad DeWitt is on his way home from a night shift when he is kidnapped by two strangers and forced into a van headed god knows where. Initially hoping he can spare himself from unwanted trouble by keeping his head down, Conrad tries to comply - until he realizes exactly what they have in mind for him. By then, his captors have already gone far past the point of no return. They’re in it for the money, and they have no intention of sparing him from pain to get it.

The Moneymakers Masterlist

Dash Reynolds is driving drunk one night when the unthinkable happens. Caught between a rock and a hard place, he has to make a split-second decision to save his own skin - but things never turn out the way you expect them to, do they? Suddenly, Dash realizes he has bit off far more than he can chew, and he finds himself facing a harrowing question: Exactly how far is he willing to go?

The Dash Dilemma Masterlist

• Art tag
• Prompts and drabbles

[holy or inane]

Anonymous asked:

Have you ever considered collabing with other artists/writers? I think it would be cool to see you do an art or writing project with someone else :) And I'm sure there would be a lot of volunteers!

if someone has a style that would work well with mine id be open to discussing it, sure

id have to have some bare minimum kinda standards tho. like if i have to sit and correct your grammar or continually have to urge you to lift your half of the load, id probably call it off pretty quickly lol

[holy or inane]

Anonymous asked:

Hii! Random question

Do you have a fav book character? Or even more than one

fitz from the farseer series by robin hobb is prolly up there. edgy loner sadboy hours and all that

[holy or inane]

Anonymous asked:

This is my last ask, promise.
Some of the shit I said yesterday was me projecting. But I was genuinely curious about that last thing, it wasn't entirely meant maliciously.
I am also a schizoid, of course I have some knowledge about it, and I have a diagnosed (sexual)sadism paraphilia which I struggle with. (intrusive thoughts/urges, that type of shit)

Anyway, apologies if I caused any actual distress to you. (probably bothered your "yes-men pussy simps" more though lmfao)

okay. next time you have an episode try not to call people schizo freaks i guess. youre lucky im the kinda person that that kinda shit doesn’t really reach, but you couldve just as easily told it to someone who, like you, is vulnerable and strugges with the feeling of being a deviant. but you probably realized that already

this is gonna sound really bad but look into schizophrenia/-affective support forums online. barring full on psychoses we do actually have a lot of things in common with the more severe ends of the spectrum. intrusive thoughts and urges is something those people deal with a lot, so maybe youll find some guidance there

if and when youve worked through whatever drives you to talk to people like you talked to me, i’ll accept your apology

[holy or inane]

Anonymous asked:

i used to feel kindaaa guilty about liking torture back in the days, but not anymore. for me, it completely replaces any sexual needs. like i get off to it. but not sexual torture, only normal torture. idk if that make sense or you get any similar feelings... it's not about sex/bdsm or anything. just like torturing someone and i get that aroused feeling people talk about when they talk about sex. is it any similar for you, or is it really just simply adrenaline? cuz i don't get that but the feeling is *kinda* similar to that if i try to see it that way ! (i hope this is not too much of a personal question. but you seem really open about thing you i thought i ask!)

oh yeah its rarely ever a sexual thing for me, its more just like. a feeling of exhilaration ykwim. non-horny arousal lol

also i forgot to mention in that other post but the reason i’d call whats going on with me sadism (instead of just catharsis or whatever) is bc i generally imagine myself as the agressor in the scenario. if i write renee choking conrad out, im empathising with conrad in some ways, but overall im like damn, to wrap my hands around someones throat and just keep squeezing as they started to writhe under me. et cetera

i think part of it has something to do with power/control fantasies, cause i do have other non-sadistic fantasies about control as well, more classic schizoid omnipotence fantasies about being self-sufficient, not needing anybody for anything, weaving in and out of the crowd so to speak. but thats just guesswork if im being honest

[holy or inane]

Anonymous asked:

I know you don't need reassurance/validation, this is not that - just a thank you for being so open and blunt about this stuff. As someone with an interest in psychology it's, well, interesting, but I also just appreciate the opportunity to understand a creator I admire.

lmao ill take it as a compliment ig. hope i provide an interesting case study

[holy or inane]

a-n-i-a-fan asked:

Some of the symptoms of SZPD are similar to those of my depression...hmm🤔

it actually has more in common with the negative symptoms of schizophrenia (anhedonia, avolition, social withdrawal/isolation, blunted affect, stilted speech or alogia) than it does depression, hence the whole schizo- prefix.

also, even though depression is a common comorbidity with szpd, its still the only personality disorder that doesnt require clinical distress for a diagnosis, meaning its possible for a person to have szpd and be completely happy, healthy, even thriving

we might not function like “normal” people, but we function as ourselves, however that may present. which is as good as it gets in my book

[holy or inane]

Anonymous asked:

Genuine question, but what is SZPD? What are the signs of it?

diagnostic mantuals/simple criteria tend to really fuck up with szpd, since its a pretty complex disorder, so your best bet would probably be to read the wiki, since thats relatively accurate. but if you’re looking at the extremely short version, it’s the Loner Disorder. think ted kaczynski, except we dont usually engage in terrorism

i’m a covert (“secret”) schizoid, which means i look and act like anybody else would. only difference is if you ask me ill happily tell you i don’t have any friends lol

[holy or inane]

Anonymous asked:

Mate, I'm sure you have other asks, I don't know why you keep responding to mine.
I have no real interest in trying to find what actually troubles you. That's way more effort than you're worth lmao.
I wasn't trying to get you to introspect. Your level of ego is irritating and abrasive.
This was just entertainment for me, the same way you'd go to a zoo just to gawk at the strange animals and maybe tap on the glass a bit to get their attention.

But it is weird that you would be so open about wanting to hurt people. Do you have no conscience, freak? I know that people with szpd generally have issues with sexual things and it's not rare for the entire concept of sex to essentially be replaced with a paraphilia, but, well, I'm just curious, what even is it about violence that you enjoy? Or have you never given it much thought, in that clearly average brain of yours?(in case I need to spell it out for you and your lacklustre reading comprehension, yes, that is meant to be an insult lmfao)

im happy to answer questions, even if i have the slightest inkling here that you’re not asking them in good faith

Do you have no conscience, freak?

i do, and a pretty rigid moral compass, too.

people with szpd generally have issues with sexual things and it’s not rare for the entire concept of sex to essentially be replaced with a paraphilia

glad to see youve done some research. people with szpd often have no sexual interests whatsoever, so theres literally no ‘sexual things’ to 'have issues’ with. some have sexual fantasies, which can indeed be paraphilias (erotomania is a common one), but they rarely ever act on their fantasies if other people are involved, y'know, cause of the whole 'other people’ thing. most choose to be celibate. i’m one of those zoids who identifies as very asexual, i have basically zero sexual drive. i will occasionally have fantasies, none of which i have any intent to act on, and none of which involve hurting others without their consent anyway. i’m not strictly a sexual sadist, so i don’t really see why bringing up my sexuality has anything to do with anything?

what even is it about violence that you enjoy?

it gives me a rush of adrenaline, essentially. seeing it in movies does the job just fine. if im feeling more authentic i’ll watch full contact fighting sports or something. i find it cathartic, aesthetically pleasing, intriguing, allruing. i dunno. it just sorta slaps for me.

Or have you never given it much thought, in that clearly average brain of yours?(in case I need to spell it out for you and your lacklustre reading comprehension, yes, that is meant to be an insult lmfao)

as a child, this average brain of mine struggled a lot with cosmic levels of guilt over the whole sadism thing, even though i never did anything to hurt anyone. ive grown to learn there’s a lot of nuance to human psychology, and today im a firm proponent of ✨rule utilitarianism ✨

hope that helped

[holy or inane]

i actually only remember one time that someone not liking me made any sort of difference in my life. it was this insane transphobe edgelord gym bro classmate who ended up seeing me as his worst enemy (long reason i can get into if asked but the guy was just a weirdo). he once challenged me to a street fight while waiting at a bus stop and it was such an absurd situation i accidentally laughed in his face lol whoops. after that he showed up at my home adress several times and hinted a lot he was gonna stab me/beat me up, which made me avoid walking alone at night for like six months cause i didnt really want to get shanked. he had a violent past (he bragged about it often) so it wasnt exactly a needless assumption. its kinda wild waking up in the morning like is this the day i get cornered and assaulted? we shall see

anyway just goes to show that anyone who has ever disagreed with me about anything was in the wrong and probably also a bad person. i dont make the rules boys

[holy or inane]

Anonymous asked:

>person with szpd: does something that does not hurt any real people (forgetting where the back, close tab, and block/tag block buttons are do not constitute being hurt)

>these fuckos: trying to upset (hurt) this person on purpose is fun and okay!

...kill me now. (or just keep writing and doing your thing, I am here for it)

one of the cool things about having szpd is that im clinically unable to care if people don’t like me lol. no need for reassurance man imma continue to vibe regardless